The following is a humorous take on actual events.

In a feather-ruffling showdown, Raising Cane’s has dealt a crispy blow to Chick-Fil-A, forcing the latter to hit the road and seek refuge down 140 on Old Baltimore Rd. The clash unfolded in less than six months since Cane’s set up shop, leaving Chick-Fil-A scrambling for a new coop.

The proposed escape plan relies on extending the traffic circle near the Stonegate community to connect Old Westminster Pike with Old Baltimore. This comes as Chick-Fil-A attempts to evade the irresistible allure of Cane’s secret sauce.

While word on the street is that Chick-Fil-A’s current lease is coming to an end, locals suspect the real reason for the move might be the overwhelming pressure exerted by their crispy competition.

As news of Chick-Fil-A’s relocation spread, a chorus of cheers erupted from residents celebrating the prospect of reclaiming peace in the Westminster Shopping Center, infamous for being the busiest and, let’s face it, the most dangerous parking lot in the county.

However, not everyone in Carroll County is clucking with joy. 

Michelle Jefferson, a resident near the proposed new Chick-Fil-A roost, has raised concerns that the influx of an estimated 2,800 vehicles could turn her neighborhood into a cluckin’ disaster.

“Our tiny neighborhood just wants to be left alone, live our lives and not have to worry about our property values decreasing, our children being placed in harms way or our streets becoming a trash can. More traffic means more crime, too,” Jefferson lamented in a Carroll County Times op-ed.

As the fried chicken feud continues, the real question on everyone’s mind: Can Canes keep Chick-Fil-A on the run, or will the poultry power balance shift? Stay tuned for more crispy updates.