Board of Education Carroll Report

Graphic Sex in Carroll County School Libraries?  Maryland Association of School Librarians say “Check it Out!”

**Warning:  The following article is satire and contains sexually explicit content only acceptable in public school libraries.**

In a shocking turn of events, the Maryland Association of School Librarians (MASL) and a group of their supporters, passionately advocated for the inclusion of explicit pornography in public school libraries, leaving parents and school board members bewildered.

“Banning books with graphic, sexually explicit content is a slippery slope, no pun intended,” a blue-haired school librarian declared with a straight face. “If you ban one pornographic book, you have to ban them all. Freedom of expression is not something I usually think about, but when it comes to porn, we must take it seriously.”

The librarian’s assertion left parents, who had gathered to voice their concerns, momentarily speechless. “We can’t trust parents to decide what’s sexually inappropriate for their children. We need to trust school media specialists who have years and years of education, master’s degrees, and OnlyFans experience,” she continued, raising eyebrows and prompting awkward shifts in seats.

The atmosphere grew even more tense as parents who found the content objectionable began reading explicit excerpts from some of the books found in Carroll County Public School libraries. 

“I took her from behind by the creek over there with a tight little sugary c**t she had.  He found her warm opening and twisted two fingers inside her,” read a wholesome soccer mom.  

“He peels it free and delves both her hands between my thighs to spread them and reaches down for my balls.   She rests them in one hand juggling them like eggs while she examines my penis,” read a nervous dad as he wiped sweat from his brow.  

Board of Education members were seen blushing and scrambling to adjust the air conditioning, but these passages seemed to leave porn advocates unfazed.

“The passages that were read were taken out of context.  If they would have read the entirety of these books, they would learn that these stories represent LGBTQ people.  I haven’t read these books either, but I’m assuming they are LGBTQ,” said a parent who supports the pornography.

“These books will allow me…I mean students…to live vicariously through others’ experiences. Plus, they see this stuff on the internet all the time, so why the hell not, right?  Now, excuse me while I go checkout one of those books,” remarked a media specialist.

To everyone’s astonishment, the president of the Carroll County teachers union announced she was actively seeking a partnership with “Desires,” an adult bookstore in Westminster, to provide even more explicit content to students.

“Like many of you, I was disturbed to learn that there are books at ‘Desires’ that aren’t available in school libraries. We cannot let standards and decency get in the way of grooming…I mean educating…our students,” the union president declared, leaving the public to ponder the educational value of such an endeavor.

However, the owner of “Desires” swiftly rejected the idea, arguing that it would be yet another government takeover of what should be a private industry. “The government prohibits me from issuing porn to minors, but school libraries will be able to? It’s not fair,” the owner griped.

In a world where satire and reality often collide, the debate over the educational merits of explicit content in public school libraries has taken an unexpected turn. As parents continue to voice their concerns and educators champion their cause, one can only wonder if the next proposal will be to introduce adult toys in elementary school classrooms.

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